Philippians 4:13
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -- Philippians 4:13 New King James Version (NKJV)
I am a college student who is currently taking the Bachelor of Science in Accountancy program in one of the colleges here in the Philippines. During the college application days, I was looking for a college program that is business-related and very versatile (has a lot of job opportunities). I always wanted to become a food entrepreneur, but I'm aware that not all dreams come true; "But there are dreams that cannot be." (Claude-Michel Schönberg, I Dreamed a Dream). This is why I want to play safe. Though it would be a great help, I know how to make food so I won't take formal education about food preparation; instead, I will take a college degree program that specializes in business management. The primary college program I have in my mind is the Bachelor of Science in Business Management and Accountancy which was, as far as I know, was only offered by the University of the Philippines-Diliman (Philippine's top university). Taking the program, I can be an entrepreneur, business manager, or an accountant; it's the safest choice of program for me. A secondary choice is BS Entrepreneurship (a new program offered by some universities, though there's no guarantee for me that this is a good program), third is BS Business Management, then fourth is BS Accountancy.
Unfortunately, I didn't pass the UP College Admission Test (UPCAT). Now I'm left with three remaining choices: BS Entrepreneurship, BS Business Management, and BS Accountancy. I passed and failed other college entrance exams, the last one being the University of the East College Entrance Test (UE-CET, which I took and passed at UE-Manila). For the course program, I finally chose the BS Accountancy. I was about to complete my enrollment for the BS Accountancy program at UE-Manila, but I soon found out that the nearest college to our house (which I will not name for now; security purposes), aside from BS Accountancy program, is offering scholarship grants that are easy to apply to. Needless to say, that's where I decided to start my journey as an Accountancy student.
As days passed, I slowly lose my interest in starting a food business. I enjoyed recording and analyzing transactions; it's like magic for me when I see one account affects the other account in a not-so-obvious way. It's fun to see how cash flows from different activities. I started to love accounting; I gradually dreamed of becoming a Certified Public Accountant. "I can still run my own business anyway even if I am a CPA already," I said to myself. Accounting is fun for me. For now.
At first, I was amazed by how my class schedule varies by day; I won't be bored easily because I don't have to face the same subject every single day. Back in high school, the class hours are almost the same every weekday so it's easy to be fed up. Being a first-time college student, I also thought that I will be more relaxed given the fewer subjects per day when compared with my schedule in high school. I was horribly wrong; there were gazillions of school works and requirements. There were so many I didn't have enough time to relax and study. Yes, I know that as a freshman, it's expected for me to have a hard time adjusting in college; but I expected that our subject, Financial Accounting and Reporting 1 will be a piece of cake because it only talks about the “basics” of Accounting, which were already tackled back in senior high school. Luckily, even though I had a hard time, I was able to maintain the quota grade for major subjects of 2.50 and exceed the retention General Weighted Average (2.50 GWA; I got 1.9). Unfortunately, I lose my full scholarship; I now only avail of the 10% discount (an extension scholarship; you should have at least 1.75 semestral GWA to maintain/reacquire the full scholarship).
In the Second Semester, things get harder for me; we already have four (4) major subjects (in addition to our three minor subjects for the semester). On our first meeting for Midterm, our Intermediate Accounting 1 and Management Science professor talked to our class; the majority of the class failed his two subjects. Only six (6) out of thirty plus (30+) students passed; even these six only passed thanks to high class standing grade, despite having failed quizzes and exams. Most of us also failed Cost Accounting and Income Taxation. These put a lot of pressure on me, especially me who is aiming for a scholarship (again, 1.75 must be the minimum semestral GWA to avail and maintain most of the scholarship programs). Thankfully, the Prelim Grade is just 11% of the GWA. Unfortunately, I still had minimal to no improvements in my academic performance. I still failed a lot of our quizzes and exams, especially in IA 1. In Income Taxation, I can see no hope. In Cost Accounting, however, I can see that I improved even for just a little bit. There is no way for me to regain the lost scholarship.
I became hopeless; I can feel myself slowly creeping to the brink of depression. Day by day, I gradually think that everything I do is useless. I am greatly burned out. For many years, I was an academic achiever, and a lot of people know that. Some people expect me to achieve, while some wait for my fall. Failing in academics is a heavy blow to me. Negative thoughts swarmed my brain; "Am I going to make it?", "Other people might be disappointed with me.", "My haters will be so glad.", "Can I really be a Certified Public Accountant?", "Am I really destined to be a CPA?"; all of these filled my head. I didn't bother to check my grades online. I don't want to. It's like cutting my wrists. Studying for the 2nd Semester's Finals examination felt like a long, agonizing death march. It's hard for me to understand the theories and concepts of our major subjects due to psychological noise; "What am I doing? I'm just fooling myself. There's no hope for me. I should stop pursuing the impossible. Accounting is not for me." I started to believe that I am indeed good for nothing.
I don't know what to do. Of course, I don't want the efforts of my family to pay my school fees to be in vain. I don't want to waste the hard-earned money of my family that they used to pay my tuition fee. I also don't want to put my own expenses for the requirements of the program to be put in vain. I don't want to feel that we just wasted our time, effort, and resources for nothing. I don't want to shift to another program either. If I'll just run away from the problem I'm experiencing here in college, how am I going to deal with the far greater problems the real world has under its sleeve? I cannot simply surrender.
Eat, study, breakdown, sleep--that's my routine during the Finals (during the latter half of our Finals period, Luzon is already in a community quarantine so most of our school works were done at home). I did not expect that I will experience this; after all, I see myself as someone who always finds joy in everything. I didn't expect that I'll be like some college students who frequently experience breakdowns. I now understand why they say college is very difficult. Maybe those students who graduated from Senior High from different schools other than mine are not used to heavy loads of school works (back in my Senior High School, we have activities every day; a small amount of time is allotted for discussions). I thought they're just overreacting. When I became a college student myself, I realized that they are awfully right. The problem does not just revolve around whether the program is easy or not; finance, family, friends, and even the self are some of the other causes.
I don't want to bother my family that much; they, too, are busy dealing with their own problems. I don't want to be much of a burden to them. I have friends, but I don't want to bother them either because I know that they're just like me, drowning with their own problems; we do vent out to each other, though. I need help, but I am too busy to contact a Psychologist. I guess I have to endure this agony. Then, I remember what my aunt's motto is; "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." That sparked a bit of hope. Why didn't I think of that? I'm too preoccupied with stressors that I didn't notice the help which I was looking for is already in front, er, above me.
Whenever I pray the Rosary every night, I usually pray for the world and my material needs. I don't usually pray for my personal problems; it's hard to think of it so I just shrug it off. It won't kill me so why pray for it? I can just process it and let it go. But now, I think it's time to admit that I do need to pray for these, not just to wish for it to be gone, but also just to vent out to Him who has always had an ear eager to hear all of our prayers. He has a never-ending love for us, which, sadly, we fail to recognize due to being under the yoke of the world. Sometimes, the only way to end our problems is to come back and reconcile with our Father and our Brother.
I included my problems in my nightly Rosary; I don't know, but I really found it awkward to pray for it. Perhaps because it's the first time. I prayed for me to pass and be retained in the Accountancy program. I prayed that I'm really in deep trouble. I prayed for our efforts to be fruitful. I prayed for me to become a successful Certified Public Accountant.
Praying indeed reduced the weight in my chest. It became more peaceful and less dark. The grey cloud of sorrow got thin enough to let the rays of hope shine through. Praying made me motivated again. Christ gave me the strength to endure the pain brought by the Finals week. Praying didn't give an immediate and obvious solution to my problem, but it did help in lessening the stress that I'm feeling, helping me to focus more on studying. Every day, I both feel excited and nervous as the exam week is near. Excited because finally, Finals will come to an end; nervous because I don't know if I'll really pass, maybe God has other plans for me. This is a decisive event for me and my fellow BSA students.
Unfortunately, I didn't pass the UP College Admission Test (UPCAT). Now I'm left with three remaining choices: BS Entrepreneurship, BS Business Management, and BS Accountancy. I passed and failed other college entrance exams, the last one being the University of the East College Entrance Test (UE-CET, which I took and passed at UE-Manila). For the course program, I finally chose the BS Accountancy. I was about to complete my enrollment for the BS Accountancy program at UE-Manila, but I soon found out that the nearest college to our house (which I will not name for now; security purposes), aside from BS Accountancy program, is offering scholarship grants that are easy to apply to. Needless to say, that's where I decided to start my journey as an Accountancy student.
As days passed, I slowly lose my interest in starting a food business. I enjoyed recording and analyzing transactions; it's like magic for me when I see one account affects the other account in a not-so-obvious way. It's fun to see how cash flows from different activities. I started to love accounting; I gradually dreamed of becoming a Certified Public Accountant. "I can still run my own business anyway even if I am a CPA already," I said to myself. Accounting is fun for me. For now.
At first, I was amazed by how my class schedule varies by day; I won't be bored easily because I don't have to face the same subject every single day. Back in high school, the class hours are almost the same every weekday so it's easy to be fed up. Being a first-time college student, I also thought that I will be more relaxed given the fewer subjects per day when compared with my schedule in high school. I was horribly wrong; there were gazillions of school works and requirements. There were so many I didn't have enough time to relax and study. Yes, I know that as a freshman, it's expected for me to have a hard time adjusting in college; but I expected that our subject, Financial Accounting and Reporting 1 will be a piece of cake because it only talks about the “basics” of Accounting, which were already tackled back in senior high school. Luckily, even though I had a hard time, I was able to maintain the quota grade for major subjects of 2.50 and exceed the retention General Weighted Average (2.50 GWA; I got 1.9). Unfortunately, I lose my full scholarship; I now only avail of the 10% discount (an extension scholarship; you should have at least 1.75 semestral GWA to maintain/reacquire the full scholarship).
In the Second Semester, things get harder for me; we already have four (4) major subjects (in addition to our three minor subjects for the semester). On our first meeting for Midterm, our Intermediate Accounting 1 and Management Science professor talked to our class; the majority of the class failed his two subjects. Only six (6) out of thirty plus (30+) students passed; even these six only passed thanks to high class standing grade, despite having failed quizzes and exams. Most of us also failed Cost Accounting and Income Taxation. These put a lot of pressure on me, especially me who is aiming for a scholarship (again, 1.75 must be the minimum semestral GWA to avail and maintain most of the scholarship programs). Thankfully, the Prelim Grade is just 11% of the GWA. Unfortunately, I still had minimal to no improvements in my academic performance. I still failed a lot of our quizzes and exams, especially in IA 1. In Income Taxation, I can see no hope. In Cost Accounting, however, I can see that I improved even for just a little bit. There is no way for me to regain the lost scholarship.
I became hopeless; I can feel myself slowly creeping to the brink of depression. Day by day, I gradually think that everything I do is useless. I am greatly burned out. For many years, I was an academic achiever, and a lot of people know that. Some people expect me to achieve, while some wait for my fall. Failing in academics is a heavy blow to me. Negative thoughts swarmed my brain; "Am I going to make it?", "Other people might be disappointed with me.", "My haters will be so glad.", "Can I really be a Certified Public Accountant?", "Am I really destined to be a CPA?"; all of these filled my head. I didn't bother to check my grades online. I don't want to. It's like cutting my wrists. Studying for the 2nd Semester's Finals examination felt like a long, agonizing death march. It's hard for me to understand the theories and concepts of our major subjects due to psychological noise; "What am I doing? I'm just fooling myself. There's no hope for me. I should stop pursuing the impossible. Accounting is not for me." I started to believe that I am indeed good for nothing.
I don't know what to do. Of course, I don't want the efforts of my family to pay my school fees to be in vain. I don't want to waste the hard-earned money of my family that they used to pay my tuition fee. I also don't want to put my own expenses for the requirements of the program to be put in vain. I don't want to feel that we just wasted our time, effort, and resources for nothing. I don't want to shift to another program either. If I'll just run away from the problem I'm experiencing here in college, how am I going to deal with the far greater problems the real world has under its sleeve? I cannot simply surrender.
Eat, study, breakdown, sleep--that's my routine during the Finals (during the latter half of our Finals period, Luzon is already in a community quarantine so most of our school works were done at home). I did not expect that I will experience this; after all, I see myself as someone who always finds joy in everything. I didn't expect that I'll be like some college students who frequently experience breakdowns. I now understand why they say college is very difficult. Maybe those students who graduated from Senior High from different schools other than mine are not used to heavy loads of school works (back in my Senior High School, we have activities every day; a small amount of time is allotted for discussions). I thought they're just overreacting. When I became a college student myself, I realized that they are awfully right. The problem does not just revolve around whether the program is easy or not; finance, family, friends, and even the self are some of the other causes.
I don't want to bother my family that much; they, too, are busy dealing with their own problems. I don't want to be much of a burden to them. I have friends, but I don't want to bother them either because I know that they're just like me, drowning with their own problems; we do vent out to each other, though. I need help, but I am too busy to contact a Psychologist. I guess I have to endure this agony. Then, I remember what my aunt's motto is; "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." That sparked a bit of hope. Why didn't I think of that? I'm too preoccupied with stressors that I didn't notice the help which I was looking for is already in front, er, above me.
Whenever I pray the Rosary every night, I usually pray for the world and my material needs. I don't usually pray for my personal problems; it's hard to think of it so I just shrug it off. It won't kill me so why pray for it? I can just process it and let it go. But now, I think it's time to admit that I do need to pray for these, not just to wish for it to be gone, but also just to vent out to Him who has always had an ear eager to hear all of our prayers. He has a never-ending love for us, which, sadly, we fail to recognize due to being under the yoke of the world. Sometimes, the only way to end our problems is to come back and reconcile with our Father and our Brother.
I included my problems in my nightly Rosary; I don't know, but I really found it awkward to pray for it. Perhaps because it's the first time. I prayed for me to pass and be retained in the Accountancy program. I prayed that I'm really in deep trouble. I prayed for our efforts to be fruitful. I prayed for me to become a successful Certified Public Accountant.
Praying indeed reduced the weight in my chest. It became more peaceful and less dark. The grey cloud of sorrow got thin enough to let the rays of hope shine through. Praying made me motivated again. Christ gave me the strength to endure the pain brought by the Finals week. Praying didn't give an immediate and obvious solution to my problem, but it did help in lessening the stress that I'm feeling, helping me to focus more on studying. Every day, I both feel excited and nervous as the exam week is near. Excited because finally, Finals will come to an end; nervous because I don't know if I'll really pass, maybe God has other plans for me. This is a decisive event for me and my fellow BSA students.
The online exams for our minor subjects are easy because most are essay-type and don't require the use of our school's online platform. The major subjects have half-theoretical and half-computational exams. This gave me hope because I'm good at theories. The down-side of this is that some of our exams didn't allow us to skip a question then return to it later. Luckily, most still allow us; also, most of the exams have theoretical questions first. In the online platform that we use, you can see your scores immediately after the exam (answers are pre-encoded before the exam was released). Scores will appear after you submit the exam. When I checked mine, I almost jump in joy when I saw that I had passed three of our major subjects (though, my scores are just a few points away from the passing score)! The only exam where I got an ALMOST passing score was IA 1 (my score is 1 point below the passing score; MY GASH). These really sparked up my mood.
Even though I saw that I passed most of the Finals exams (these exams have the highest contribution to my semestral GWA), I can't stop thinking that my failed quizzes can drag my final grade down. I continued to pray for my grades. I can't be complacent about my small achievements. It's too early to celebrate yet. For now, I'll focus on completing the requirements for each subject.
After a few days, through our class group chat in Messenger, our IA 1/ManSci professor announced that our final grades are complete and ready for viewing. I'm nervous, so nervous I didn't check my grades immediately. I waited for a few days to gather the courage to see my online report card. After those days, I finally logged in to our student portal.
Mental confetti exploded in my mind; butterflies in my tummy are in a frenzy; I was ecstatic. I have final grades in minor subjects ranging from 1 to 2.50 (1 is the highest). In major subjects, I got both 2.5 (quota grade) for ManSci and Cost Acctg., 2.75 (below quota but passed) for Tax (I was surprised because I expected that Tax will be the lowest) and 3 for IA 1 (also below quota but passed). I checked my semestral GWA; I got 2.17 (2.50 is the quota GWA)!!! I can't contain my joy! I almost jumped from my monoblock chair! I moved erratically, shaking with joy. I can see my cousin through my peripheral vision passing by my room. He might probably notice me and thought "He's going crazy again."
I can't stop thanking God at that time. It felt like I passed the CPA Licensure Exam (CPALE). It was a great relief even though I didn't hit the quota for the two majors. I consulted higher year students and our IA 1/ManSci professor on what to do with the two subjects. Both parties said that we'll be taking up pre-qualifying exams for the subjects we didn't reach the quota. Further information will be given after the Enhanced Community Quarantine here in Luzon. Though, a higher year student added that you'll still be retained in BSA; passers and non-passers of the pre-qualifying exams will just be separated. I hope this will still happen in our batch.
As of the time I published this post, I am busy preparing for the pre-qualifying examinations. I focused more on Tax because that is the subject that has the most theories. Even though I don't have books for it, I was still able to study for IA 1 thanks to online resources and the summarized handouts given to us by our professor. Everything is fine as of the moment, thanks to our ever-loving God.
I can say that the Bible verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.", is true. Without Christ, I would probably in the abyss of depression now. Without Him, I could have ended my journey in becoming a Certified Public Accountant; worse, I could have ended my life! He gave me the strength to endure all of the sufferings, just like what He did on His way to the cross. God seems to answer my prayers; it seems to me now that he will allow me to be a CPA.
More storms are yet to come, and I am aware of it. I'm still a freshman, I have many more years to push through before I graduate. It's still early for a great celebration. Because of this, I will not cease praying; in fact, we shouldn't until we join our creator in heaven. For my fellow students, let us continue our bittersweet journey, as my professor describes it. Let us continue to fight for our dreams. Let us continue to pray to Christ for the strength we need in earning the licenses of our dreams.
To those who already left the BS Accountancy program, it's okay. You have your reasons. After all, it's your own happiness and contentment that matters. I pray that all of us will be happy at the end of our respective journeys. I pray that we'll find success in whatever path we take.
I would like to thank my family who helped me in my studies. Also, I would also like to thank my friends who became shoulders to lean on for me; you helped to alleviate the stress. A great thanks to our great professors, who unselfishly shared their knowledge and expertise to us; they, too, are very considerate and professional. Funny to say, but without you, my CPA journey will be really hard; it might even not start! Last but definitely the most important of all, I would like to thank God for His never-ending love for me, for us. Without Him, surviving my first year is impossible. Without Him, my demons would have taken me. Without His son, I won't have the strength to fight. I will praise Him forever.
If you're starting to drown in your problems, you should also try to seek help from others to prevent further worsening of your situation. If you cannot find one, I suggest you pray if you still can. Praying might not have tangible, obvious, and immediate solutions, but it does help if you need to vent out but have no one to talk to, lessening the pressure of your situation. We have an almighty God and a loving brother, Jesus Christ who is always with us, ready to hear us out and give us the strength that we need.
Thank you for the time and effort you gave in reading this loooooonngg post. It takes a lot of energy to finish this. I think this is my longest post so far? Haha! Anyways, I hope you were inspired after reading this post. I will be glad to know that I motivated others in pursuing their dreams. Any comments or suggestions? Just comment down below or send me a DM through Twitter (check the link on the Contact Me page). You can also click the reaction buttons below. Also, please share this post through different social media platforms (click the three dots connected by two lines). Click the Subscribe button above to receive updates via email. See you in my next post! Goodbye and good luck on your journey!
Source:
- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://sermonquotes.com/sermonquotes/10696-i-can-do-all-things-through-christ-who-strengthens-me.html
- Claude-Michel Schönberg (Ft. Alain Boublil, Randy Graff & Robert Billig) – I Dreamed a Dream. (1987, May 11). Retrieved from https://genius.com/Claude-michel-schonberg-i-dreamed-a-dream-lyrics
- Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.: New King James Version (NKJV): Download The Bible App Now. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.bible.com/bible/114/PHP.4.13.NKJV
Comments
Post a Comment